I give in, women are superior

I've fought the good fight for all of my adult life.

I've given it my all for over 10 years. I've fought for control over my house, my life, even my children.

Now I'm waving the white flag.

There are just some things that women can do that men cannot.

THE LIST.

I cannot express an emotion or desire and have them instantly fulfilled. Examples:

"I'm cold"---I turn the heat up.
"I'm hungry"---Without hesitation I reply "What do you want to eat?" With the intention of satisfying her.
"I'm horny."---Duh.

I do not have the ability to win any fight, regardless if I'm right or not.

The way I was raised is inferior to hers (if she is from another part of the country)

I did not go through labor delivering our children, thus I do not have the final say in anything concerning them.

She controls the radio in the car, even if I'm driving.

She makes all decisions concerning decorations of rooms, but she "lets me have" a guy room that she only touches when I'm not looking.

Sports vs. Desperate Housewives/Extreme Makeover/Grey's Anatomy etc. on tv? Sports lose.

I will never see an action movie again if there's an option for a Romantic Comedy.


So I give up. There's too much stacking against me. I've found that if you just give in, life isn't all that bad. Sure, your freedom is gone, your penis is tucked, and your shoulders are slouched; but when they pat you on the head and tell you that you've been a good boy, it puts a little hitch in your giddey-up as you fetch them a soda from the fridge

I Hate Edward Cullen

Twilight. A modern day phenomenon. 17 million books sold (1.3 million in one day). The movie has grossed 76.9 million (these numbers might be out of date, so don't shoot me if they're wrong). I've watched the movie, and read the books (after heavy coaxing from my wife) and the most predominant thought in my head is...

I HATE EDWARD CULLEN.

Why? Well, the answer is rather simple. He's too damn perfect!

Let's go through a checklist of his revolting activities:

Unbearably handsome
Extremely Smart
Ridiculously Rich
Cool, mysterious demeanor
Awesome super-power (mind reading)
Super strength and speed
Ultra Romantic
Immortal

These are just off the top of my head, I know there's more. Now let's compare that to what I offer:

Unbearably handsome---Sorta fat
Extremely Smart---No college degree
Ridiculously Rich---Ridiculously Poor
Cool, mysterious demeanor---Clumsy, goofball demeanor
Awesome super-power (mind reading)---Awesome super-power (inhaling a cheeseburger)
Super strength and speed---Legendary weakness and laziness
Ultra Romantic---can barely spell romantic
Immortal---Just plain old

How can I compete with this? Thankfully I'm married, because if I wasn't I would have a hell of a time trying to get a date with someone who has read the book or seen the movie. I already get the feeling that my wife doesn't look at me the same, she sighs every time she looks at me. And my daughters scold me for not being super rich and strong.

My fellow men, we have two options to fight this battle. We can either:

A) Everyone start dressing, acting, and doing our hair like Edward Cullen

or

B) Try to spread the word and come up with a battle plan to discourage women to trying to make us or comparing us like him! Band together my brothers! Let's let the women know that human men are still good for them!

P.S. I would like to apologize to Stephanie Meyer. I do like the books (except Edward Cullen) and I think that the Twilight series is a very good read. But please, PLEASE don't make any more perfect Edward books! You should write about Jasper or Emmett, cuz they don't get enough love, and they're the baddest Cullen boys! Show them kicking some vampire arse!